Once, I went to Yilan with my family to have hot spring. On the way to Yilan, my family members were all excited and couldn't wait to get there. Suddenly, I found that more and more cars gathered together besides the cars of us. The speed were slower and slower,and we got in a traffic jam!
We waited for a while, the traffic jam was still stuck. And we got upset little by little. Eventually, I had no choice but to sleep simply. Not knowing as time went on, I woke up in a bad mood. As soon as I woke up, I wanted to sleep again. Because we were still in the Traffic Jam! After waiting for 5 hours, we got out from the horrible traffic jam with tired. In that trip, we were all unhappy cause of the traffic jam. It was the most unforgettable trip I've ever had.
sleep simply..簡單的睡覺嗎?
回覆刪除cause of ...我覺得in the cause of可能比較好吧?
好可憐噢@@
sleep simply 是什麼
回覆刪除表達小睡一下嗎
As soon as 用學過的另一種句型比較好喔~~
感覺難忘的點有點不強烈
Because we were still in the (Traffic Jam)
回覆刪除為什麼Traffic Jam 要大寫? 強調嗎?
The speed were slower and slower,and we got in a traffic jam!
speed 你were因該要加s吧 不然就把were 改成was
besides the cars of us-> beside our car你們應該只開一台車出門吧? 旁邊應該不用S
回覆刪除Not knowing as time went on, 有點怪怪的
cause of ->because of 吧?
have hot spring?我不確定有沒有這種用法 還是要改成泡溫泉 take a hot spring?
回覆刪除more and more cars gathered together besides the cars of us感覺怪怪... 用gather?然後besides the cars of us我不太董..
We waited for a while, the traffic jam was still stuck +個however 轉折吧
sleep simply錯了 其實可以用take a nap.
Not knowing as time went on,? 原句是 I didn't know as time went on?你應該要表達我不知道時間過多久吧 這樣變成"我不知道當時間流逝"
with tired tired 是形容詞 with 應該要加名詞吧..
we were all unhappy cause of the traffic jam
你是不是要寫because of = =?
the horrible traffic jam with tired
回覆刪除-->How can you put an adjective after 'with'?
The entire speech looks ok but still, there should be some interesting incident which can make readers want to continue to read it.
We waited for a while, the traffic jam was still stuck. 需要在加個轉折辭吧~
回覆刪除其實整篇文章都只是在敘述你等多久,可以加上你的一些感受