2011年9月6日 星期二
Family Background
I’m Jay. There are five people in my family. And I am the second child among three. My father is a worker of a factory. My mother is a housewife. My elder brother is a university student. My younger brother is a junior high school student. My family is open-mind and easy to talk. My father is the manager of his company. His pressure is too heavy that he can’t fall asleep nearly every day. My mother is easy to get angry. So she always argues with me if I do nothing all day long. Sometimes only because I get up too late, she can blame me for almost all day!!! My elder brother is a fun guy that I have ever seen. He always keeps my family in a harmonious atmosphere. I really appreciate that I can have these members in my family.
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張貼留言 (Atom)
你一開始就說你爸是WORKER後面又說是MANAGER其實可以合在一起說MANAGER就好
回覆刪除然後我覺得你應該多說一些家庭對你的影響
而且每個人物幹麻不一起介紹?
EX:My mother is a housewife who gets angry easily ....
你這樣感覺跳來跳去
你的自傳不是要讓教授知道你的身家調查
回覆刪除不用把你爸爸睡不著跟你媽媽很會發脾氣都說出來
然後整偏都在說你家人的個性
都沒有講到你自己 還有你的人格特質之類的
前面炮火猛烈,你的自傳前面都敘述不好的 為什麼最後的結論是好的而且都沒寫到這個家庭成員對你的影響阿....
回覆刪除His pressure is too heavy that 此處建議您使用so that句型 so 請放在heavy前面 is後面
回覆刪除